My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.
My Jokes
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)
I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
To Cock-A-Doodle Die. Now you have a rooster pancake. My favorite. ^^
I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.
To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
My friend: To get to the other side?
Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.
My friend: Oh.
Me: Knock knock.
My friend: Who's there?
Me: The chicken.
My mom is bad and my dad is bad.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
Is that my student?
Na! It is Jesus!
Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.
There's a disabled kid in my class, right? Oops, should've brought my Hot Wheels tracks.
I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
My dad is now a milkman.
Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.
What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?
"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."
I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
