My jokes

I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.

To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"

An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."

A homeless kid once said he will go home.

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.

I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...

I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.

My grief counselor died.

He was so good, I don’t even care! 😂😂😂

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

Finish the lyrics: Can I put my...

Why did the rooster cross the road?

To Cock-A-Doodle Die. Now you have a rooster pancake. My favorite. ^^

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.

I asked my boyfriend who his favorite motivational speaker was. He said Andrew Tate. I told him the BEST motivational speaker was Stephen Hawking.

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.