My jokes
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?
My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.
I like my clocks like I like people.
Under 12.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.
SELF HARM
Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?
Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?
What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 buckle some more.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 open the door.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.
The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.
I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.
What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.
Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.
Oh . . .
:(
Continue.