My jokes

Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.

I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!

Leave a like if you LOL at this joke!

Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.

My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

The mailman came to drop the mail off.

Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.

Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."

Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."

Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

5 4 3 2 1. I love the huge bright sun. 5 4 3 2 1. My life has just begun. Though Akeld and Unkown, make me feel alone, they want be dead, and off with my head, and all I said was... NO FRICKIN' HATIN' IN THESE COMMENTS! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

Chenle: One time when I was younger, someone asked me how old I was and I forgot. I had to Wikipedia my age to remember.

Jisung: This is the richest thing I've ever heard in my life.

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

Lick my BALLS!

Do you know what my favorite time of day is?

6:30, hands down.

My pp.

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?

"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩

My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.

I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.