My jokes
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.
My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.
SELF HARM
Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Memes
Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?
Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?
What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 buckle some more.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 open the door.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.
My anxiety has anxiety.