My jokes

Finish the lyrics: Can I put my...

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

Cremation is my only hope for a hot, smoking body.

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."

A homeless kid once said he will go home.

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

Is that my student?

Na! It is Jesus!

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.

It was the hardest day of my life.

There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?

He's Dahmer's son @domink.

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

I took a plane to go see my hairline.

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?