My jokes

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?

My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.

Why did the rooster cross the road?

To Cock-A-Doodle Die. Now you have a rooster pancake. My favorite. ^^

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.

My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My wife hates that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and went right.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.

I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.