My jokes

What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.

I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.

I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.

To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.

“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”

“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”

My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.

Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."

My will to live.

My uncle died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"

I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."

Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.

My penis is too big for my dad to suck it, so my mum sucks it instead.

My wife was run over.

There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.

Do trees pee?

How else do we have No. 1 pencils?

My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"

Me "OH NO" 💀

I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.

Everybody loves "appreciation." So that's what I named my dick.

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."

Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?

Almost all of you suck. If you're following me, hah, this isn't a joke, but it gave my profile a 1 thingy heheh. KYS, Wade =D

My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.