My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.
And they're off!
My Jokes
I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...
I used to be emo.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...
I asked my boyfriend who his favorite motivational speaker was. He said Andrew Tate. I told him the BEST motivational speaker was Stephen Hawking.
My grief counselor died.
He was so good, I don’t even care! 😂😂😂
My favorite dark joke is orphan jokes. For no apparent reason.
My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.
I have a Twin Towers model in my room.
It got infested with jumping spiders.
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."
Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."
I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.
My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.
Like this post and comment down below if you want me to announce my real name in my next post!
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.
He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."
I should name my dog Ariana Grande.
That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"
The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."
The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"
The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
I am thinking of removing my spine.
It's only holding me back.
