My jokes

Is that my student?

Na! It is Jesus!

Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.

There's a disabled kid in my class, right? Oops, should've brought my Hot Wheels tracks.

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.

It was the hardest day of my life.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

My dad is now a milkman.

Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?

How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?

Not 15, as my basement's still dark.

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.

Birthday girl: Oh wow!

Parent: Anyone missing?

Birthday girl: Your parents.