My jokes

The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until it's too light to light.

Well, at least my adoption fee cost more than you.

I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.

I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.

Why did my dad cross the road?

To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.

Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.

My dad died in the 9/11 attack. He was a good pilot.

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"

I'm just like my LEDs, I'm meant to be hung.

What is the only video game to be ever made in Africa?

Where's My Water?

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

My dad didn't beat the cancer.

My grandpa said my generation relies too much on technology.

Then I unplugged his life support. :)

I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.

Once my sister was a sister, now she's a blister.

My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.