My jokes

My sister says, "Dad," and repeats it, and this is my dad: WOULD U STOP me? 😑

What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?

My brother didn’t beat cancer.

I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.

So I had him bring my wife.

I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.

Like it’s my next meal.

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.

My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.

My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.

Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.

Teacher and kid.

Kid: Hey, teacher.

Teacher: Yes?

Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?

Teacher: Of course not.

Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!

A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.

The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...

I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.

Y'all wanna hear a joke? My life.

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Your mom.

Fuck you you rwind my life.

How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"

I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

I think one of my dads might be gay.