My jokes

Once my sister was a sister, now she's a blister.

A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"

"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I got the joke from my brother.

My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

My dad didn't beat the cancer.

My dad died in the 9/11 attack. He was a good pilot.

I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

I'm just like my LEDs, I'm meant to be hung.

My grandpa said my generation relies too much on technology.

Then I unplugged his life support. :)

Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?

Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...

Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"

My uncle is an alchemist.

He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.

Why did my foot cross the road?

Because your ass was on the other side.