My jokes

We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.

No one is taking it harder than grandpa.

Okay, long story fast, I walked to GameStop in my house, in the kitchen, by Walmart, to a BTS Squid Game concert, and Drake and Pablo were there for her labor in the Cowboys stadium by Nike, so I bought a pencil from a dead alive man. He said "ZOO WEE MAMA." So yeah.

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.

So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

I want coffee like my men.

Dark.

My uncle was a priest.

He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.

If you spell "swim" backwards you get "miws."

Where is my dad?

The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.

I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"

Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.

What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?

Panera fed.

Credit to RogueRobot for this one:

What does Panera sleep in?

Panera bed.

Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!

I like my new... e-a-tree and a tree that is a magic house and a tree tree and a...

Roses are red, violets are violet.

My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.

My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"

My teacher: Time can't count.

Me: Every second counts.

My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!

My hopes and dreams.

My boyfriend said if I kiss him, I'll get lucky. I fell down a flight of stairs.

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."

Can I put my balls in your jaws?