My jokes
I'm gonna jump to my death.
Don't worry. I won't jump far.
Just off this chair here...
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my trail mix.
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.
WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!
I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.
Knock, knock.
You suck my iron with you and mommy.
Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.
So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"
Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
You look like something I drew with my left hand.
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!
Tj: 😏.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
Orphans: Where are my parents?
Random person: In the bed.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won’t believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
Son: Hey, Dad, why is my name Dick?
Dad: Oh, because a dick fell on you when you were born.
Son: Ohhhhh, so that's why I'm gay.
My friend said, “there shouldn’t be discrimination, just black and normal.”
That was also the same guy who said [link to joke].
My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.