My jokes

I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.

Why did my dad cross the road?

To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

My dad didn't beat the cancer.

My grandpa said my generation relies too much on technology.

Then I unplugged his life support. :)

My dad died in the 9/11 attack. He was a good pilot.

I'm just like my LEDs, I'm meant to be hung.

What is the only video game to be ever made in Africa?

Where's My Water?

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.

My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.

Dmitri! Where's my vodka?

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.

Mom! Mom! My classmates called me an orphan!

I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.