My jokes

My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?

I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.

I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.

Y'all wanna hear a joke? My life.

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.

So I had him bring my wife.

I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.

Why did my foot cross the road?

Because your ass was on the other side.

How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

My uncle is an alchemist.

He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Man #1: Pretend your age is a level, I am Level 20.

Man #2: My son died at level 4.

Man #1: Lol, your son is a noob.

Today was a bittersweet day...

Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."

LOL

Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.

Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.