My jokes
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
Tell me a joke.
My life.
My sister reminds me of 911: one moan of "OMG" got everyone's attention.
My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.
A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
I never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.