My Jokes

My sister says, "Dad," and repeats it, and this is my dad: WOULD U STOP me? 😑

What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?

My brother didn’t beat cancer.

I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.

So I had him bring my wife.

I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

When I saw this, I couldn’t stop laughing

A screenshot of a comment section. The first comment by Rukulukukukupoopoo says: "I love your wife." The second comment is from George W. Bush and says: "So you're the one I've seen in my garden recently..."

I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.

Like it’s my next meal.

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.

My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.

My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.

Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.

Teacher and kid.

Kid: Hey, teacher.

Teacher: Yes?

Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?

Teacher: Of course not.

Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!

A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.

The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...

I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.

Y'all wanna hear a joke? My life.

How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."

A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."

When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."

Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"

Son:...... um

I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.

When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".

I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!

I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.

(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)

(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)

(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)

A note for my History Teacher:

Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.