My jokes

Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

Gwen, if you're reading this, the link I sent is for you and your boyfriend to chat and stuff. No one shall bother you! Pinky pinky!

Btw, do you know how I am cause if do then I am related to Kenya and my name starts with T? Don't worry, just chat with your boyfriend.

I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.

I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.

Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I got the joke from my brother.

Mom told me drugs are my enemies.

Jesus said to like your enemies.

Yay, I can like drugs then!

Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?

I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Your mom.

Fuck you you rwind my life.

The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...

My sister says, "Dad," and repeats it, and this is my dad: WOULD U STOP me? 😑

I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.

A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.

My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.

My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

Y'all wanna hear a joke? My life.