My jokes

I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"

Dmitri! Where's my vodka?

"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."

"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"

"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Mom! Mom! My classmates called me an orphan!

I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.

What is the only video game to be ever made in Africa?

Where's My Water?

My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."

I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."

LOL

Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.

Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.

I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬

Man #1: Pretend your age is a level, I am Level 20.

Man #2: My son died at level 4.

Man #1: Lol, your son is a noob.

The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until it's too light to light.

Well, at least my adoption fee cost more than you.

Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

Gwen, if you're reading this, the link I sent is for you and your boyfriend to chat and stuff. No one shall bother you! Pinky pinky!

Btw, do you know how I am cause if do then I am related to Kenya and my name starts with T? Don't worry, just chat with your boyfriend.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."