My jokes

How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.

How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.

How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.

You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"

My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"

What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?

They both broke and everybody cried.

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

I like my orphans how I like my wine, locked in my basement for ten.

I wish the grass in my backyard was emo so it would cut itself.

"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"

What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?

Only one moans when I put my meat in it.

My friends:

Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.

Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.

Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.

Me: You guys are getting sleep...

I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.

I wish the grass outside of my house was emo, because it would cut itself.

"Discuss the synopsis of this poem: My Friend Billy Has A Ten-Foot Willy."

My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.