My jokes
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!
Did you see that Chinese man with no legs?
No, I'm blind.
Stop ruining my jokes.
Isn't that the Chinese man with no legs' fault?
It's not like He Go Ann Hi Weh.
The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
It's horrible to make jokes about 9/11, but it's not funny when I found out my mate's mum jumped from the 21st floor.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.
So I sold them.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.