My jokes

What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?

My donation to the orphanage :)

What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?

My best friend.

I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."

Say "crack my finger" backwards.

What did the emo kid say to the cashier? ... "Scan my wrists."

What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?

My mind.

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."

My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.

"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"

"Shut up and leave the bedroom."

Yo, Bloon... what bitch where the fuck my child support camo Bloon? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

Ok, so my brother made this, here it is:

Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who? Chicken garbage!

Ok I know it makes no sense, but he made it when he was like 3.

Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.

My dad went to get milk from Tesco’s.

He never came back.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on technology. So I unplugged his life support. (ref)

I am crying tears of joy rn.😭 I was wrongfully denied my visa. ☠️ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted.

The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered "Pristiano Penaldo" 😭. I was right guys ✅🛫

How to improve my beloved Penchester United in 5 easy steps:

1. Sell Casemeiro 🤑 2. Sell Pernandes 🤑 3. Sell Bencho 🤑 4. Sell Trashford 🤑 5. Terminate penaldo 🤑 6. Make Mctominay extend his deal 📝

These came down deep from my heart. Don’t let me down again, please.

The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀