My jokes
I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.
I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.
Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.
That's my one teacher 24/7💀
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."
LOL
The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until it's too light to light.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.
Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.
Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.
Man #1: Pretend your age is a level, I am Level 20.
Man #2: My son died at level 4.
Man #1: Lol, your son is a noob.
Well, at least my adoption fee cost more than you.
My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.
I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!