My jokes

I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."

What did the emo kid say to the cashier? ... "Scan my wrists."

My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.

What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?

My donation to the orphanage :)

What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.

I like my orphans how I like my wine, locked in my basement for ten.

What did The Rock say to his dad?

"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"

Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.

My attempt in 2021.

And my attempt this year.

My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.

What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?

My mind.

My friends:

Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.

Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.

Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.

Me: You guys are getting sleep...

I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

"Discuss the synopsis of this poem: My Friend Billy Has A Ten-Foot Willy."

My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

I wish the grass outside of my house was emo, because it would cut itself.

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.