My jokes

I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.

It's my fort knight.

My grandad broke his legs.

To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.

When I see James Charles, my popcorn goes pop pop.

Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."

She said, "Who's there?"

I said, "I Eat eat my mop."

She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.

I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.

I like my women like I like my diving pools.

Wet and deep.

I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."

You want a joke? My entire existence.

"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"

"It was only the Bass!"

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!

People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.

She can't see the obvious.

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.

Don’t make jokes about 9/11. My dad was the best Middle Eastern pilot.

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were.

Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5 AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"