My jokes
An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"
I wish the grass outside of my house was emo, because it would cut itself.
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.
I go to get my mail.
Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"
Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"
Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.
I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.
It's my fort knight.
"Discuss the synopsis of this poem: My Friend Billy Has A Ten-Foot Willy."
My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.
My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.
When I see James Charles, my popcorn goes pop pop.
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.
I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."