My jokes
"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, I said that's a big word for a seven year old.
I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
Memes
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.
My dad died in 9/11.
But he was the pilot.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
I'd tell ya a poop joke, but you're my favorite turd.
Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.
I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.
If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
The only difference between my grandma and the Twin Towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.
One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.