My jokes

I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....

In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.

My username good.

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.

I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.

I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."

Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

I was watching T-Series and I thought to myself, "Man, this sucks!" My sister watches James Charles, and he always says, "That's T-Series." So is it him? SUB TO PEWDIEPIE! UNSUB TO T-SERIES! THEY SUCK!

I wanna die cos I lost my horse on Minecraft.

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.

My girlfriend accuse me of cheating. I asked her what was I supposed to do? She was just lying naked she said just do the damn autopsy.