So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret and I said, well you never know when you need to pick a lock
Why did the orphan become a criminal it wants to be wanted.
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
Whatβs the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief? The mediocre thief will say βgive me all your money!β And a professional thief will say βsign here please.β
Your so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries. A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar? I hear they got six months each.
