My jokes

"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."

- JFK

I am crying tears of joy rn.😭 I was wrongfully denied my visa. ☠️ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted.

The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered "Pristiano Penaldo" 😭. I was right guys ✅🛫

How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.

How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.

How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.

My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger sister.

My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."

My anus smells.

You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)

Elmo in 2022 is called "Tickle My Balls Elmo."

Someone in my class described the KKK as ghosts with pointy hats... I mean, he's not wrong.

Don’t make jokes about 9/11. My dad was the best Middle Eastern pilot.

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

You want a joke? My entire existence.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

"Sticks and stones break my bones."

A crowbar does it so much quicker.

My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"