My jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.

Me- *crying in the shower*

Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*

If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

Mother: How is my little cookie doing?

Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.

Mother: Really?

Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.

Mother: 😁♥️🍪

What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

How did the burglar get into my house?

Intruder window.

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."

Today was a bittersweet day...

Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

Joe mama so fat, she could not walk the stairs of heaven.

Credits: to my friend.

Me: Are you okay?

Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.

So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.

I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.

Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.