My jokes
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Guys, I'm sorry about these bad puns. I should've kept my big Meowth shut.
My life.
I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.
Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.
My friend: Yo stupid.
Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?
My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*
Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.
My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.
My fucking life, cya.
I lent my calculator to a friend. He is using it to this day.
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
Roses are red, violets are blue, Cause comes near my Willy.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
My friend told me to name a country in Africa.
So I said, "Hungry."
Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.