My jokes
Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.
I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
Worst joke ever: me and my user.
I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Your Nan.
WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on technology. So I unplugged his life support. (ref)
I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.
I really need jokes for my Atom bookmark project :3
I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!
My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips.
Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong.
Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My heart is dead.
I’m such a fool.
Why did I fall for you?
I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.
"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."
A girl goes to a Church to confess.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.