My jokes

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""

"You stabbed my brother!"

"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"

Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?

They both broke and everybody cried.

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?

All these jokes really hijacking my mind.

You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.

in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.