My jokes

I prank called someone saying, "SON! IT'S ME, SON! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" My friend next to me asked who I was calling, and I said, "the orphanage."

The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.

I wish my name was Voyager 2...

So I could have the first encounter with Uranus. :)

Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.

Me- *crying in the shower*

Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*

Muslim child to his mother: "Mom, why is my backpack so heavy?"

Mom: "Allahu Akbar, my son, Allahu Akbar!"

If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

Are you George Floyd?

Cause you take my breath away! 😮‍💨

The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."

My friend said my life was a joke.

No jokes have meaning.

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

What did the female rapist say at her hearing?

"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."