My jokes
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, I said that's a big word for a seven year old.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot.
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?
I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
I would make a joke about your mom, but cows are sacred in my country.
Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?
Roses are red, violets are blue, my heart is dead, I'm such a fool. -Juice Wrld
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."
My 2 year old Asian baby cant do calculus Look who in sweatshop now
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)
I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.
I like my women how I like my fridge.
In the kitchen.