My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
My Jokes
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.
"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza. They got plane.
Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.
What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.
