My jokes

Do trees pee?

How else do we have No. 1 pencils?

My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"

Me "OH NO" 💀

Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.

"I think my draco might be gay. Why? 'Cause he blow niggas."

Nardo Wick

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.

I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."

POV there’s a school shooting.

American: First time, European?

European: Yeah, you American?

American: No, not my first time.

Why do they call my dick section 8?

Because all the hoes are on it.

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

I just shed my pants.

John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

My ex keeps missing me. But her aim is steadily improving...

My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.

Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.

What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."