My jokes
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.
"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."
"I think my draco might be gay. Why? 'Cause he blow niggas."
Nardo Wick
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
Ever wondered why my gay kids don't play basketball? Because they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop.
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.
Today, I had an exam in school. When I was done, I raised my hand and yelled, “Pisstiano Penaldo!”
My teacher smiled and took my paper. She knew I was finished.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.