My jokes

POV there’s a school shooting.

American: First time, European?

European: Yeah, you American?

American: No, not my first time.

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

Why do they call my dick section 8?

Because all the hoes are on it.

Why do the twin towers and my mom have in common? They fell over.

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.

My parents told me I was born on the highway.

Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.

What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"

Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.

I just shed my pants.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

I like my women like I like my wine. 16 and locked in my in a basement.

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”

Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.