My jokes
I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!
My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.
Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.
I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,
they bring me things. <_>
Okay, long story fast, I walked to GameStop in my house, in the kitchen, by Walmart, to a BTS Squid Game concert, and Drake and Pablo were there for her labor in the Cowboys stadium by Nike, so I bought a pencil from a dead alive man. He said "ZOO WEE MAMA." So yeah.
I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.
My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.
Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?
FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.
So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...
An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.
"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.
My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."
Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.
Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."
Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
My sister Wani is a dwarf, so I sit on her as a chair.
Teacher: Tell me a moral story.
Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.
Teacher: What is the moral even?
Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.
I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.
My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!