Morbid jokes
I heard World War 500000 in my parents'.
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.
I'd tell a slavery joke, but they've been flogged to death.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
Roses are red.
Grass is green.
I think of you sucking my peen.
What’s the difference between bowling balls and babies?
You can unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
Who do Chinese people name their kids?
Throw the forks and knives down the stairs.
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
If you're serious, congratulations on getting this far in life with absolutely no comprehension of reality.
If you had this kind of knowledge about driving a car, you'd be sitting 30 feet away from it, throwing pieces of pickles at a barn and shouting ‘shazam’ into an empty iPhone case, wondering why the car wasn't moving.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
Daniel takes his frustrations out on Shaenaya and his sexual frustrations out on Arunima.
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
Why did the robot cross the road?
Because he was programmed by the chicken!
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!