Morbid jokes
I saw a yellow bus and I knew that some-ting was wrong.
The bus was white.
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...
You get to meet Chris Hansen!
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
Me.
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
If only Caesar hadn’t left home that day...
What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?
Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.
Your reflection.
How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?
There are speedos in the microwave.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
How do you make a baby cry?
You punch it in the face.
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
Don’t you just wanna hang around, like Chester?
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?
A. An ambulance.
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.