Morbid jokes

If you're serious, congratulations on getting this far in life with absolutely no comprehension of reality.

If you had this kind of knowledge about driving a car, you'd be sitting 30 feet away from it, throwing pieces of pickles at a barn and shouting ‘shazam’ into an empty iPhone case, wondering why the car wasn't moving.

What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..

There is none.

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Dad!

Dad who?

Silence.

Daniel takes his frustrations out on Shaenaya and his sexual frustrations out on Arunima.

I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!

Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.

As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"

Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.

What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?

My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.

Why did the robot cross the road?

Because he was programmed by the chicken!

You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!

Brits don't exist. Mummies can't have kids.

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?

Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.

Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.

What's the definition of disappointment?

Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.

What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

Yo mamma's so fat, she had to pull down her pants to get to her wallet!

Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?

A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.

How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.

I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.

"Who am I?"

What do Nemo and my dad have in common?

They both can't be found.