Morbid jokes

What's better than a pile of dead babies?

One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.

Who do Chinese people name their kids?

Throw the forks and knives down the stairs.

Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.

If you're serious, congratulations on getting this far in life with absolutely no comprehension of reality.

If you had this kind of knowledge about driving a car, you'd be sitting 30 feet away from it, throwing pieces of pickles at a barn and shouting ‘shazam’ into an empty iPhone case, wondering why the car wasn't moving.

What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..

There is none.

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Dad!

Dad who?

Silence.

Daniel takes his frustrations out on Shaenaya and his sexual frustrations out on Arunima.

I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!

Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.

Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.

As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"

What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?

My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.

Why did the robot cross the road?

Because he was programmed by the chicken!

You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!

Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?

Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.

Brits don't exist. Mummies can't have kids.

What's the definition of disappointment?

Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.

Yo mamma's so fat, she had to pull down her pants to get to her wallet!

What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?

A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.