Morbid jokes
A man asks to play kick the bucket (not death).
The other man agrees. They go to the top of Mt. Everest. The man who asked ties the bucket to the other one's foot. Then he kicks it off the cliff, which brings the man with it. LOL
THE END
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
Space therapist in between the e and the r.
The rapists!
Make a wish.
Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.
Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!
What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men. 25 at a time.
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
Jack and Jill went up the hill to start to build the still for Jill.
Jack stopped and said to drunkin' Jill, "To build this still will take so long."
Jill said to Jack, "Well, f--k the still and kiss my ass, and watch me take another pill!"
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck it off...
Guess what? If your mom ever wants to have sex with you, tell her to make another.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
*Knock Knock* Who's there? Social Services...