Morbid jokes
Your reflection.
How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?
There are speedos in the microwave.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
How do you make a baby cry?
You punch it in the face.
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
Don’t you just wanna hang around, like Chester?
Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?
A. An ambulance.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
I heard World War 500000 in my parents'.
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
Roses are red.
Grass is green.
I think of you sucking my peen.
What’s the difference between bowling balls and babies?
You can unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."