Morbid jokes
I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"
So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.
That’s the punch line.
What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?
Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.
WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.
My chance of finding love.
What sayd the man to the woman??
Go to the kitchen lol.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.
My dad asked, "Where are you going?"
Me: "Back to the orphanage."
I'm bored and I'm sure someone scrolling through here is too, so wanna chat? Pls.
I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
"That's not my name, but okay, that's cool. My name is Coco, but okay, and I already knew Jayden was a boy who is bi."
Q: Wanna see something funny?
A: Sure.
*bomb Florida*
Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.