Morbid jokes
How do you get 100 dead babies into a tub? Put them in the blender.
How do you get them out of the tub? Give mexicans tortilla chips and tell them theres salsa in the tub.
You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
When Chinese babies are born, they should put "MADE FROM CHINA."
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
When a white person says the n word,
black people: "Y'all mother fu...rs ain't gonna believe dis shit."
Ur mom gei.
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
A young, innocent little girl is playing hopscotch, and she says, "You step on a crack, you break your mama's back." Then she steps on a crack, so her mother's back proceeded to break slowly. Then she said, "You step on a line, you break your dada's spine," but the neighbor's spine broke, and in happiness, the thought-to-be previous father gets in his car and drives through the garage door...
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house? A spicket fence!
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
What does a baby in a blender look like? I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What do you call one baby in ten trashcans?
Chopped Junior!
So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.
A man asks to play kick the bucket (not death).
The other man agrees. They go to the top of Mt. Everest. The man who asked ties the bucket to the other one's foot. Then he kicks it off the cliff, which brings the man with it. LOL
THE END
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
If you need to squint to read this...
You probably need glasses.
I went into a CS:Go lobby and all I heard for ten minutes straight was, "Act like you're hard, but your dad beat you harder."