Morbid jokes
Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
I like my women how I like my cigars: 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.
A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill to start to build the still for Jill.
Jack stopped and said to drunkin' Jill, "To build this still will take so long."
Jill said to Jack, "Well, f--k the still and kiss my ass, and watch me take another pill!"
Guess what? If your mom ever wants to have sex with you, tell her to make another.
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
I have WWII in my blood since my great-grandfather killed Hitler.
Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?
Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.
I like the iceberg... my favorite character was the iceberg!
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
Have you heard of the movie "Constipation"?
No?
Because it hasn't come out yet.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.
Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*
Me: Uh, male?..
Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*
Me: You silly goose.
*Silence for like three seconds*
Me: Still male though-
One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.
What's a man's favorite thing that starts with "m" and ends with "arriage?"
Miscarriage.
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.