Morbid jokes
Pretend you're an orphan and I'm telling you a joke:
Your mom.
Why is America so good at Rubik's cubes?
They have a history of sorting colours.
The cemetery sure is overcrowded today.
I guess people are dying to get in.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I went on holiday to the coast the other day, and I saw a shark.
I was alright, but I don't think my feet were.
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
So apparently, Kurt Cobain's death was mind-blowing.
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
What do you call gun ammunition made out of human babies?
Project-childs.
(Projectiles)
Q. What's the difference between a baby and a bale of straw?
A. I got arrested last time I speared a baby with a pitchfork.
My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.
The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!
What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
About 140 calories.
My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.
I'd make you fall harder than the South Tower.
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?
I guess it really IS all in the execution.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.