Money jokes

What is money called in space?

Star bucks.

How do rappers make their money?

By dropping dimes.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

What’s a money-hungry politician's favorite place?

Jew York.

A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.

Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.

"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

What do you call the middle of a penny?

A center (get it? Cent-er).

I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?

Did anyone around here lose a roll of twenty-dollar bills wrapped with a rubber band? Because we found the rubber band.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.

Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.

"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"

"Give away my Money, No Papa,"

"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."

Does money grow on trees? No.

What is money made of? Paper.

What is paper made out of? Trees!

Are you free tomorrow?

No, I’m expensive, sorry. 💵💸

What chicken crossed the road? The donkey of the moneys.

We’re so poor, we can’t even afford free stuff.

There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.

They always make me cry.

I gun give money.

What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."

Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!