Money jokes
What chicken crossed the road? The donkey of the moneys.
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
A prostitute walks in the bar, and she goes up to the bartender and says, "I just made $100 and 5¢ sucking dick." The bartender says, "Who gave you the 5¢?" The prostitute says, "They all did!"
If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.
If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?
If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.
Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!
Yo mama is so Jewish that pennies run away from getting pinched by her.
You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.
A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.
The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"
The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."
Why did the rapper go broke?
He kept dropping dimes.
I bet Steven Hawking $100 if he could catch me.
As soon as he said yes, I climbed up the stairs.
Zozo went to the store and walked out with nothing, why?
Zozo the hobo is a hobo, remember? He doesn’t have any money.
What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?
You can get on with a prostitute!
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.
I don't have any now.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
Yo' mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for her gumball.
I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?
But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.
So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.
Then I told him, "What are you doing?"
He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.
He then told me how easy would that be?
I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To learn his ABCs (All 'Bout Cash)!