Money Jokes

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying

"Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked in to the classroom. The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"

One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

2 deer walk out of a gay bar one says to the other, i blew like 20 bucks in there

what do you call an chineze rich man. Cha Ching

Why don’t cows 🐄 have any money?

Because farmers milk them dry.

Two priests are in a bar one says to the other priest Ill swap you 2 5 for a 10

My credit card is more declined the the love from my dad

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what's so sad and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's head before they died". I replied "probably a bullet", she gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent's heads", I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".

Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?

Because they are really good at saving.

What do you call a prostitute with no arm or legs

Cash and carry

I was walking down main street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get a my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, expeciy when your a furry."

I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just viben, he was telling ever guy that walked by if his dick was bigger then theirs they have to give him 50 bucks long story short I walked away with 100 bucks that day

What do you call a rich Chinese person?!? Kaching

What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?

I've been raped

My girl freind called me a cock sucker but HEY 20 dollars is 20 dollars

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500. The first replied:"For 500€? Of course!" The second said:"I'd do it for free!" The third replied:"I would even give her 200€!" The fourth replied:"With my ex? Never!

what is money called on the moon? Mooney

ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG

Give me freedom Give me fire Give me contract Or I retire

Jog all day Out of UCL now FC Barcelona I need you now

Villarreal defenders They surround me Big submarines All around me

I get upset Call my agent I want money I’m impatient

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "did you see that?" She says "yes", so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks "did you see that?" "No but my wife did!" The husband said.