Money jokes
You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.
There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.
They always make me cry.
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
A prostitute walks in the bar, and she goes up to the bartender and says, "I just made $100 and 5¢ sucking dick." The bartender says, "Who gave you the 5¢?" The prostitute says, "They all did!"
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
What chicken crossed the road? The donkey of the moneys.
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
To make some DOUGH on the side.
Why did the rapper become a banker?
Because he wanted to make some BIG BANK DEPOSITS!
What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?
You can get on with a prostitute!
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
My money don't jiggle jiggle, it folds.
I want to see you wiggle wiggle, for sure.
What’s the difference between chocolate and people?
You can’t buy people nowadays.
Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?
They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣