Money jokes
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.
I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?
They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.
What do you call a rich Chinese child?
"Ching Ching..."
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.
When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]
"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]
"How much have you found so far?"
"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]
People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.