Money jokes

Want to save 50% on your Chinese?

Just ask before you pay.

A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"

What do you call a rich Chinese child?

"Ching Ching..."

Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?

They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?

They hate it when you hand it to them.

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.

If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.

What makes a raccoon 🦝 very rich?

Its rings!

What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.

I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved

What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.