Money

Money jokes

Money memes

Loan

    • A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

    Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

    The frog says $30,000.

    The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

    Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

    The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

    Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

    She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

    The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

  • 2

    • Politics

    • A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

    The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

    The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

    The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."

  • 1

    • Mama

    • Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.

    Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.

    Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"

    Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.

    Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

  • 2

    • Pants

    • Lil Johnny went to school and said, "Teacher, if you let me poop my pants, I will let you have my dad and his money. Will you do it, Mrs. Johnson?"

  • 0

    • Penny

    • (I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!

  • 2

    • Addiction

    • A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.

    He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."

    He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."

    Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

  • 6

    • Difference

    • What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?

    One does it for the cash, the other for the views.