Money jokes

Want to save 50% on your Chinese?

Just ask before you pay.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?

They hate it when you hand it to them.

Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?

They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.

What do you call a rich Chinese child?

"Ching Ching..."

The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?

What makes a raccoon 🦝 very rich?

Its rings!

If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.

What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.

I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved

What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.