Money jokes

What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.

I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?

What makes a raccoon 🦝 very rich?

Its rings!

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?

They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.

The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.

What do you call a rich Chinese child?

"Ching Ching..."

Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?

They hate it when you hand it to them.

A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"

Want to save 50% on your Chinese?

Just ask before you pay.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"

How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

Because he/she wanted to be wanted!