Military jokes
If you have an emo kid army, they'll kill themselves before they get to the field.
Babies are like airstrikes; they get aborted.
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
What is your arm's favorite military branch? The army.
Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.
What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.
When one just isn't enough
Drop me in Afghanistan with a cigar, a Kobe jersey, a MAC-10, a Lambo Huracan with a bumper delete, and a Toyota Tacoma with an M249 on the back. Then I'll have Afghanistan as the 51st state by midnight.
My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A TANK!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
You shout out, "B-52!"
Why do trannies suck at being soldiers? Because they have a 41% casualty rate.
What do you call a black man in the army in camo? Incogneggo.
What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?
Winston Churchill.
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
"If you want to win swiftly, camp the enemies' spawn."
- Sun Tzu
"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War.
A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...
"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"