Military jokes
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
How do you call an autistic kid with a pistol?
Special forces.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A TANK!
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
What do you call 6 gay men in WW2?
Rainbow Six Siege.
Yo hairline so large, you could land a fighter jet on it.
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.
What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
Chuck Norris one-shot down a German fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling "bang!"
"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"
"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"
"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
You shout out, "B-52!"
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.