Military jokes
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.
School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.
Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
Your hairline is so bad that they used it as trenches in the World War.
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
How do you call an autistic kid with a pistol?
Special forces.
Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.