Military jokes
Why did the cloud apply to stormtrooper training school?
He mist.
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.
Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.
Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!
Memes
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?
Not sure, I just fly the drone.
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."