Military jokes
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
Orphans might as well join the military or a gang because they have no family.
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"
"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"
"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"
Why did the cloud apply to stormtrooper training school?
He mist.
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.
Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
What do you call 6 gay men in WW2?
Rainbow Six Siege.