Military jokes
Know the nuclear bombs of the world.
🇷🇺🧨 a “bad” bomb
🇨🇳🧨 “ww3”
🇬🇧🧨 a “good” bomb
🇺🇸🧨 Japanese area testing
🇮🇱🧨 what bomb
🇮🇷🧨 just self defence
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?
To-do list.
What do you call a special needs army?
The special forces.
Why is the Navy gay?
There all seamen.
"If you want to win swiftly, camp the enemies' spawn."
- Sun Tzu
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades? They'll end up only throwing the pin.
I'm going to pull out your lungs faster than Joe Biden pulled troops out of Afghanistan.
What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?
"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.
Q: What do Mexicans love to wear in the air force?
A: Air Force Juans.
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?
They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."