Military jokes
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
What do you call an army of autistic people?
Special forces!
What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
You shout out, "B-52!"
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
What do you call a black man in the army in camo? Incogneggo.
ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
Name: Jack, call sign "triple".
School: Nova corps gun academy.
Location: Wyoming mountains.
I think the military shouldn’t allow trans people, because all they'd do is switch sides.
Know the nuclear bombs of the world.
🇷🇺🧨 a “bad” bomb
🇨🇳🧨 “ww3”
🇬🇧🧨 a “good” bomb
🇺🇸🧨 Japanese area testing
🇮🇱🧨 what bomb
🇮🇷🧨 just self defence
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?
Not sure, I just fly the drone.
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
What do you call a special needs army?
The special forces.
Why does the military recruit orphans?
Because homing missiles don’t target them.
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.