Medicine

Medicine jokes

Man

    • Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”

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    • Viagra

    • They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?

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    • Asylum

    • Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.

    Medicine memes

    Doctor

    • Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."

    Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"

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    • Disease

    • A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"

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    • EpiPen

    • Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

    Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

    Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

    Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

    Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.

    Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.

    Dad: Epi Pen.

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    • Patient

    • A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.

    The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."

    Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.

    Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.

    After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.

    Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"

    The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."

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