Medicine jokes
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
Why is it always cold in the hospital?
To keep the vegetables fresh.
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.
My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!
))))))))
Don't say "stay positive" to the wrong doctor.
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.
Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.
I have nut cancer...
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?
A salad.