Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?
A: See you on the flip side.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! đ„Œ
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
It's tiring being straight 24/7.
A book went to the doctorâs office and said: âDoctor, doctor, Iâve got thesaurus throat ever.â
The doctor told me I was so retarded, I was required to ride two wheelchairs.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
Knock knock. Whoâs there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimiâs got cancer.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
Bros chin looks like from that movie cartoon named kronk no wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain but instead it grew longer
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
If LAUGHTER is the best medicine, BLESSEDBRIAN'S JOKES are the disease.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
