Medicine jokes
A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.
The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.
The man then got plastic prosthetics.
Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.
After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.
What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
I can make a word with those: "DICK".
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
What did the doctor say to the orphan?
"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"
Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.
Memes
Lung story short... ahqhahahah!
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best chum! :)
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue 🔵
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
It's tiring being straight 24/7.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?
A: See you on the flip side.
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼