Medicine jokes
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
Cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already at stage four!
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.
Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?
Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.
Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
I can make a word with those: "DICK".
What did the doctor say to the orphan?
"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"
Lung story short... ahqhahahah!
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best chum! :)
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue 🔵
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
It's tiring being straight 24/7.