Medicine jokes
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.
Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
The doctor told me I was so retarded, I was required to ride two wheelchairs.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.
Q: What's green and yellow and eats balls?
A: Gonorrhea.
When a man loses his testosterone,
Man: Could I please have a loaner boner?
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
What did the doctor say to the orphan?
"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
What do you call an Italian with an anesthetic?
Ruberto
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
What is a lot?
Syphilis.