Medicine jokes
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
Cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already at stage four!
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?
Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
I can make a word with those: "DICK".
What did the doctor say to the orphan?
"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"
Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.
Lung story short... ahqhahahah!
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best chum! :)
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue 🔵
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
It's tiring being straight 24/7.
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.