ME jokes
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
Cyber bully: Your mom giey.
Me: nO U
There is a young lady.
She is beautiful.
She got much vote.
But she speaks very fast.
Does she think she looks smart doing that?
She makes me feel bad.
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).
Me: Do you like cobble?
My friend: No.
Me: Gobble deez nuts!
"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.
Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.
Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?
My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.
I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."
Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.
I saw a little boy sitting on a curb wearing rags.
I said: "Aww, are you an orphan?"
And he responded with "Yeah. What gave me away?"
And I said: "Your parents."
Some guy: making a sandwich.
Me: *rages* to put the ham in!
herishy, my little sissy dont report me.
I just beat the Hollow Knight and found it takes 26 hours to beat it, but it took me 69 hours to beat it.