ME jokes

"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."

What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?

It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.

What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?

They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"

Me: I know why you don't have friends.

Kid: Why?

Me: Because you can't even figure that out.

I don't say funny stuff because I'm afraid they will take the German passport from me.

I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.

My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.

My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.

These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.

Boy: Spell ME.

Girl: M-E.

Boy: You forgot the D.

Girl: There is no D in ME.

Boy: Not yet.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

Incest is wincest. (That was above.)

Fun for the whole family!

Next of kin, count me in!

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

I got an Xbox achievement the other day. It said "Trash Master," and everyone looked at me at the funeral.

Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.

My friend: Why?

Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.

Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.