ME jokes

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"

The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

And then it hit me.

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

How many people fit in a tree?

I don't know, you tell me.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

Sister: You're so stupid.

Me: Calling me stupid doesn't make you any smarter!

After I see an anime boy acting cool,

Me at school acting cool:

My brothers: "He's just acting cool."

Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Kid: Which were me, are your parents?

Orphan: What are parents?

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.

An orphan's favorite Roblox game is Adopt Me.

Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What’s the difference between milk and the air?

At least the air will always be there for me.