ME jokes

Spare.

You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

— Don't ask me. How should I know? I'm just the drone pilot.

Me and the boys are cool.

My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.

You must be a Charmander. Because you’re making me hot.

Pokemon.

My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."

I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.

Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!

Me: Hey, are your parents here?

Orphan: (crying) STOP CALLING HERE!

I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt, and a person said to me: "That must be a bit tight round the neck."

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

I love stairs. They always bring me up.

What does 6 tell 7?

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

No matter how much I cry, the white people still left me hanging.

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

POV: The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.

:me😐

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."