ME jokes
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
Give me baby girl names for a pregnant YouTuber.
What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?
They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”
The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."
I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt, and a person said to me: "That must be a bit tight round the neck."
Memes
Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"
Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."
Spare.
You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.
Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.
Guy: Where are they then?
Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].
One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
— Don't ask me. How should I know? I'm just the drone pilot.
Me and the boys are cool.
My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.
You must be a Charmander. Because you’re making me hot.
Pokemon.
I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!
Wanna come hang out with me?
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.
Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!
Me: Hey, are your parents here?
Orphan: (crying) STOP CALLING HERE!