Man jokes

What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?

You are so butty-ful!

I was speaking to a deaf Asian man. I said, "Hi." He said, "Wha yiu sa?"

I like my men like I like my coffee: black and hot.

I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.

A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.

The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!

Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?

Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.

The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.

When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.

She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."

Man, abortion jokes just don't get old, do they?

In fact, they don't age at all.

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.

A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.

The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.

The man then got plastic prosthetics.

Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.

After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

Why did the man miss the funeral?

He wasn’t a mourning person.

"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he says.

"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."

What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.

Could never understand why people would say Stephen Hawking is a dead man walking.

Man, this walk is really good. Oh wait, you can't.

Why is it that skinny men love fat women?

Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.

What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?

Geo dude.