Casino jokes

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

The king took a shit on the craps table at the casino.

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.

Why are orphans so bad at poker?

They don’t know what a full house is!

My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.

I always hit on 16, then get busted.

Why is there no gambling in Africa?

Too many Cheetahs.

I recently got kicked out of a casino because I apparently misunderstood what the craps table was for.

Girls are like blackjack.

I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

Why do Indians gamble so much? They are hoping to one day reclaim their land.

If you give a prostitute money, you will go to jail, but if you give a prostitute a Klondike bar, you will not go to jail. I would rather go to the casino and get more money for my buck.

What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?

They both hit me face down on the table.

Why did the hobo go back to the future?

To stop himself from wasting all his money on a rigged casino machine.

JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.

Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!

It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.

Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.

I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.