Casino

Casino Jokes

Machine

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

Poker

Why are orphans so bad at poker?

They don’t know what a full house is!

Life

My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.

I always hit on 16, then get busted.

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  • Gambling

    I recently got kicked out of a casino because I apparently misunderstood what the craps table was for.

    Church

    What's the difference between a casino and a church?

    You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

    Indian

    Why do Indians gamble so much? They are hoping to one day reclaim their land.

    Money

    If you give a prostitute money, you will go to jail, but if you give a prostitute a Klondike bar, you will not go to jail. I would rather go to the casino and get more money for my buck.

    Blackjack

    What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?

    They both hit me face down on the table.

    Hobo

    Why did the hobo go back to the future?

    To stop himself from wasting all his money on a rigged casino machine.

    Jack

    JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.

    Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!

    It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.