What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
What kind of vacuum does an abortion centre use A: Dyson
your moms like a candy machine she pops out any for anybodu
What do me and a casino machine have in common. It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle? Son: Why? Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
What does a Chinese machine gun sound like? "ching chong ching chong tang tang"
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window. When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food." When the man looked confused, the owner said; "Windows are nature's vending machine."
I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.
There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"
I have so many cash machine jokes But none of them seem to work ATM
Why was the washing machine laughing? It was taking the piss out of the knickers
(Credit to Meme Machine)
What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gague shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun, he said "your crazy!", I responded "quackers"
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
Their was a enemy with a machine gun. My commander said "Un-arm the enemy". So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
Solve this equation: a gay boy+a whole lots a drugs
A hyped up f'ing machine
Time is like a machine, it slows down when beaten
