Machine jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem doesn’t make sense, washing machine.

How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?

I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.

I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.

It just doesn’t make any cents!

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.

Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?

A: He heard the snowblower coming.

I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.

I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!

What weighs 5 oz. and is very dangerous?

A sparrow with a machine gun, of course!

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."