Literature jokes
Moby Dick's father's name...
Papa Boner.
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
What do cannibals read?
People.
Digest Readers.
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?
What's the name of a crazy crap that wins everything? Winnie da Pooh.
Memes
What is the best way to end a cookbook?
And that’s a wrap!
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
Why is Harry Potter an orphan's favorite character?
Because Harry Potter has no parents, so it’s relatable.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
Bro, you can't talk; you look like the dwarf from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
"Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence."