Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?
What is the best way to end a cookbook?
And that’s a wrap!
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
Why is Harry Potter an orphan's favorite character?
Because Harry Potter has no parents, so it’s relatable.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
Bro, you can't talk; you look like the dwarf from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?
You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"
I’m reading a book about Anti-Gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
Tigger was playing hide & seek, so he looked in the toilet, but all he found was Pooh.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
Voldemort: Knock, knock.
Harry Potter: Who's there?
Voldemort: You know.
Harry Potter: You know who?
Voldemort: Exactly!
