I was reading a book about an immortal dog, it was impossible to put down.
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
Dr. Seuss dark jokes.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!
What is the best way to end a cookbook?
And that’s a wrap!
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 buckle some more.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 open the door.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
What's Peter Pan's favorite place to eat out?
Wendy's?
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
Why is Harry Potter an orphan's favorite character?
Because Harry Potter has no parents, so it’s relatable.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
Bro, you can't talk; you look like the dwarf from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
"Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence."
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
