Literature jokes

Moby Dick's father's name...

Papa Boner.

What's the name of a crazy crap that wins everything? Winnie da Pooh.

I was reading a book about an immortal dog, it was impossible to put down.

A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.

Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."

Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

Why is Harry Potter an orphan's favorite character?

Because Harry Potter has no parents, so it’s relatable.

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.

Bro, you can't talk; you look like the dwarf from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!

How do you annoy Pinocchio?

Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"

"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.

This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"

Salman Rushdie got a new book out.

It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."

Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?

Because his snake bit it off!

What do you call a Mexican midget?

A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.

What do the initials BIBLE stand for?

"Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence."

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?

Circumference.

What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?

You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.

Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.