Roses are red, my blood is too. I see a lot when I lost you.
Why didn't the boy want to read "2000 Leagues Under the Sea"?
It was too much pressure.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
Rock-a-bye dummy, in the tree top.
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.
Down will come dummy, cradle and all.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
Did you hear that story "Three Lines in the Sand?" By dickadraggin'.
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
What is the best way to end a cookbook?
And that’s a wrap!
Roses are gay, violets are also gay. If you read, you are gay.
What did the man say when he knocked down the bookshelf?
Looks like I've only got myself to blame...
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.
Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?
Well, I just can't seem to put it down.
Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.
Someone else: How was it?
Me: It's a long story.
"Bippity Bobbity Boo, Boo Radley is coming for you!"
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
