I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?
Wife: In a detective novel.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
Ooh! I know a joke!
(Papyrus) What is it?
(Sans) Knock knock!
(Papyrus) Uh... who's there?
(Sans) Sans
(Papyrus) Sans who?
(Sans) SANS IS LAZY!!!!! NOW PICK UP YOUR SOCKS BEFORE I SHOVE MY SPAGHETTI INTO YOUR MOUTH!
(Papyrus)
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Why Should I Walk? By Iona Carr.
What Lonely Girls Should Do By Seymour Fellowes.
Unusual Window Decorations By Rod Curtains.
The Long Walk Home By Misty Bus.
Race to the Outhouse By Willie Makit and Illustrated by Betty Wont.
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.
What is the difference between a book and a Mexican?
One has papers.
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
Q. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A. Same middle name! 😂
What do you call a horse rider with Down syndrome?
Down Quijote.
Tigger was playing hide & seek, so he looked in the toilet, but all he found was Pooh.
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
Q: Why did the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz win an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.
What is the tallest building?
A library 📚
It has the most stories.
Roses are red, my blood is too. I see a lot when I lost you.
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
