The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use "Shake-spears."
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
How many shades of gray does it take to make a dirty movie?
50.
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
I don’t have a joke but a poem about a sex/dark joke.
Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream!
Sauron said, "Eye see all."
What do you call a fish that has a dick?
Moby Dickkkkk!
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!
What do you call a girl that likes reading? Page.
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?
She got tired of jumping over the moon.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.
What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?
Elementary, my dear Watson!
I read a book on anti-gravity...
It was impossible to put down.
