Like jokes

I can't not believe you stupid fucks. This isn't funny. Just like a bunch of cunts not to believe there is nothing can't do.

BTW what do you call a manly woman's cunt? Nothing. Who gives a fuck?

Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"

How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?

If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.

Your forehead and hairline are like friends; they go way back.

I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.

I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"

Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.

Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.

Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.

Why does everyone like couch jokes?

Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!

You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.

I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.

I like pepper.

My dad is like a unicorn.

He's never here. :c

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

Roses are red, violets are blue, that joke is old, just like you.

What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?

Long John Silvers or Captain D's.

Why do dogs like skeletons?

Because they're boneheads.

I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"