Like jokes

A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.

Me: Do you like cobble?

My friend: No.

Me: Gobble deez nuts!

Why do orphans read BL or GL?

Cause they get to see what it’s like with a mummy or daddy.

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

"Proud Boys," more like insecure little bitches!

Don’t like this post, or else I will go to your house and eat you! 😈

I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

Dads are like boomerangs, I hope.

How is a woman like a road?

They both have manholes.

Friend: How's it going?

Me: Good, things are good!

Parent: How are you?

Me: Oh, I'm fine!

Twitter: Compose new tweet?

Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.

He still is a kid.

What kind of paper likes music? Wrapping paper.

Erin like TJ, but his tapeline said no.

You're hairline is like I was so fat Dora the Explorer couldn't find your numbers!

You think you guys are funny, but look at your hairline. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol. 😂😂😂😂😭😭💀🤨🍆💦👶🏻😈😈😈😈😈😂😂😂😂😂😂👍😳😳😳😭😭😭😭😭😭🤨

Your face looks like my butt, but it looks like you.

Why are the Twin Towers mad?

They are like pepperoni and cheese as a plane.

Titanic is like our president; it cracks in half and dies.

Yo mama's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.