Like jokes
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?
He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
How do you know you had a gay cookout?
All the hotdogs taste like ass.
This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
Orphan: I want to be like Batman.
Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.
Why do many New Yorkers like watching Spider-Man?
Because he’s always on the webcast.
What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"